Using The Indicator Is For Losers

I was driving to work the other day and I had my window down. I usually put my arm outside the window, and on this day, as soon as I put it out, I had to put it back in because I had to answer my phone or something. Suddenly this car that was on my left, in the lane next to me slowed down. After a few seconds, he started honking. I was like wtf? When I turned back to look at him, the guy in the car gave me ‘You’re dumb!’ look and passed by me. Thats when I realised what had happened – When I took my arm out of the window and then put it back in – it kind of seemed like I was indicating to change lanes – Pakistani truck driver style!

I’ve decided this is how I’m going to change lanes now allll the time – OMG it’s so cool!

Buuuut – how do I indicate to move to my right? Hmm. Maybe I can make sure I always have someone with me when I’m driving. That way, when I want to move right – I’ll be like hurrrr and the other person will need to take his arm out of the window. OMG my ideas just keep getting better and better.

Buuuut – who would drive around with me all day? Hmm. Maybe its time I got a boyfriend. But then if I’m in my car with a guy, I’ll obviously have to let him drive, because if a guy is sitting in the passenger seat with a girl, he’s so obviously gay (yeah). And I can’t have a gay boyfreind. That means I’ll need to sit in the passenger seat and just indicate.

Yeah right. Not happening.

Twenty Five Very Very Long Years

Yesterday was Abu and Mummy’s 25th Wedding Anniversary. I still don’t believe they actually came this far, with all limbs intact and all kids (almost) psychologically normal. As is customary, Abu started a fight yesterday morning, so that he wouldn’t have to spend anything. We went out for dinner, without Abu. So weird.

Mummy didn’t want to take any pictures, because it would look really weird to have photos of a wedding anniversary without the guy. We suggested taking pictures with any random guy – with a caption “Kaash (If only)”

February 11, 2008

Chalte Rahe

http://www.radioreloaded.com/beta/tracks/?6743

Hum chalte rahe, lamhe guzarte rahe
Dil jalta raha, sansein bujhti gayi

Yeh yaadein raakh ho gayi, yeh khaak ho gayi
Kuch bhi na raha
Yeh baatein khaab ho gayi, saraab ho gayi
Mein ker na saka

Hum bikhre rahein, kuch bhi na keh sake
Duur dil se hue, khwabon mein kho gaye

Yeh sapney toot gaye, apne rooth gaye
Kuch bhi na raha
Yeh haath chooth gaye, saath tooth gaye
Mein keh na saka

Yaadein raakh ho gayi, yeh khaak ho gayi
Kuch bhi na raha
Yeh baatein khaab ho gayi, saraab ho gayi
Mein ker na saka

This is one of my favorite songs these days. Its such a sad song – the lines I’ve highlighted are my favorite ones

The song is called Chalte rahe, but hamzo calls it Kuch bhi na raha
So true :(

February 05, 2008

I’m back

I haven’t written since, like forever and I’ve decided I’m going to start writing more often from now on. And not more often than never – I’m going to write atleast once a week. Ever since everything happened and Sobia’s chat got blocked at work (What a stupid office!), I have so much to talk about and I thought why not just put it all down here. Well, maybe not all of it, but atleast whatever I don’t mind sharing with every random guy in the world, who’s searching for girls on the internet (fraandship anyone?)

July 15, 2006

Move car with bare hands – check!

Umm yeah so thats everything on my to do list.

This morning I, humaira gulzad, pushed a car. Wierdest thing ever is, it wasnt even my car. Sobia s car wouldnt start and since no one was around, me and Sobia managed to push it back enough for it to be next to my car.

And btw – the car did move! hmph!

May 21, 2007

One year – Finally!

I did it!! Can you believe it?

I know!! I dont believe it either. I finally got through working at the same place continuously for one year. This is huge!

I never thought I had it in me. I mean why am I not bored yet? Mummy was sure even till yesterday that I would quit and come home before that one year mark. But I did it!

Thank you thank you ladies and gentlemen. I want to thank myself for being the amazing person that I am. There was no way I could have done this without my help.

There have been obstacles in the way of course – most often the obstacles too were – Me.

Like the one time I didnt do this thing that was not really my job but if I had done it, it would have saved the other guys a lot of work. But I forgot. I am amazing – but human nonetheless. Which means I am allowed one mistake during my super long lifetime.

During the weekend (thats when they needed it done) I got a text from one of the guys telling me what a pleasure it was to work with me but next time I should let them know. I was so pissed off. Ok so I forgot but it wasnt even my job.

Mummy said she needed me to take her out the next day and that “I never took her out ever blah blah you suck blah blah I do all the work blah blah so you have to take me”. I said “Sure mummy. Maybe I’ll come home early from work tomorrow anyway”. She s like “Really?why?”

I said “No reason. I might just come home”. She’s like “You never tell me anything blah blah you suck blah blah I do all the work blah blah so you have to tell me”. I said “Oh I forgot to do this thing at work but it wasnt really my job so if anyone at work gets angry at me, I’ll just quit and come home”. My whole family couldnt stop laughing at me that whole weekend. Hmph. They suck!

Well what happened after the weekend was no one said anything to me and one of my bosses said that if possible I should let them know the next time. I was like aww – I’m sorry. I really forgot.

I work with the most amazing people and although there are times when I feel not so good about myself, its a million times better than anywhere else I have worked. Especially the shithole I worked at before this job. Working at a real shithole would have been better than working at that shithole. Uff! I hated them.

PS – I had fun making this entry. Maybe I’ll start writing again. Wait till you hear my car stories

PPS – Mummy never nags at me. All that was just a joke

June 27, 2006

Yaaaaaaaay!!!

Can you believe it?!!?!

Etisalat blocked my blog! (Actually not just my blog, but the whole MSN spaces, but when I say it this way, it makes me sound controversial…Famous!)

But I sent them my feedback (and I guess a lot of other people did too) and they’ve unblocked it again.

Phew! I mean yeah I don’t ever write in my blog anymore, but its not like that’s a reason for it to not be there.

Neway, I have to go now. Work to do. I’ll try to write later.

June 06, 2006

Now! (Almost)
In another half n hour and sumty sumthing minutes its gonna be 06:06:06 PM(how do you mention microseconds?), 06/06/06.

April 24, 2006

Busy week

I have had a really full week. My sister had her 22nd birthday this week. Whoa! that’s old. I’m 20, and I feel , well I hope I have a life different from what I have now (as in better) in two years. Its not that my sister doesn’t have a good life now. I mean, she has a good job, nice car, and as she mentioned the other day, she’s not scared of changing lanes while driving anymore. Trust me… that’s big.

One of my friends is getting married this week and this is the first whole wedding I am going to go to. I have been to engagements and receptions before but, a whole wedding – this is my first one.

I wa so excited, but I guess this whole week of going out and not getting 10 hours of sleep has gotten to me. I haven’t been feeling too great for the last two days. I have a cold and the same problems I used to have before my operation. Its not exactly the same, but I have this horrible horrible pain in my throat, right under my jaw. If this is the same infection, trust me that doctor is dead. He should be saying his prayers now. I had to go through so much pain and after that if nothing has changed, he has to go through at least the same, if not more, pain.

You know like how whenever you get your car fixed from one of those idiot mechanics, the problem you went to them for, in the first place, is now fixed, but something else falls off or stops working immediately- that’s how my operation was also. After the operation, I always used to feel this jolt of electricity in my hand. The doctor said it was because of the IV that I had in my hand. Mummy said that it was because my hand was so used to having a needle inside it, that now it felt wierd without one. I said “Oh no! this is a vicious circle. I’m gonna get this fixed and then another part of me is going to stop working. I will have to stay in that hospital forever.” (At least you’ll have your own room” Sobia would console me, assuming I was 4 years old)

But that’s gone now, and after a month I thought “Whew! thats the end” but I guess its not. All this is going to end with me.

I could take him to the police for this you know, since we have very close contacts with almost all of the policemen in Dubai (They visit us quite often). I mean I was at the police station the other day (Nah nothing serious.. just some guy on a motor bike my sister ran over in her car. The first question my mum asked when I told her? “Where’s he from?”. I said “Indian”. “Phew” she said, “It would have been quite a problem if he were from somewhere else”), and we saw that people were bringing some very small problems to the police. Stuff like “This guy threw his number at me” (How did they catch him? They had his telephone no….lol)

P.s. Homer Simpson Quote: “All right, let’s not panic. I’ll make the money by selling one of my
livers. I can get by with one.” LOLLLL

April 22, 2006

Random Stuff

I have nothing really to write about, but for the betterment (is that a word) of the universe, I will make an effort.

There’s nothing really new in my life. I still hate my work. The stupid guy I wrote about before is still alive, although I have prayed otherwise. But its a little better now. I knew everything he was saying about me but I couldn’t do anything because then the guy who told me about him would get in trouble (actually he was just chicken..i mean the other guy is an indian..whats the worse he can do..TALK!). But one day this idiot sent me some stupid message and that was it! I finally had something. The next day, I waited for everyone to leave the office (I didn’t want to insult him in front of the whole office. See…I do have a heart!) and then launched my attack. Trust me attack is the most appropriate word for what I said to him.

I just kept on and on shouting. I told him every possible thing (that’s insulting) under the sun. I have lost count of the times I said “You think you ‘re a man?!?!?!” and u idiot, if you’re reading this I’d like to tell you that this is not actually a question. Its not meant to be answered. And “bloody hell” and head-shaking is also not a very appropriate reply to questions like these. And yeah… Fuck you.

I kept shouting and shouting for very long and my throat hurt for a long time after that. At one point, he said “Stop it” to me and I yelled “You stop it” back. This went on for a while, back and forth and then finally, as the volumes kept increasing, I finally stood up and shouted with all my might. That was the end of it. Hmph. You think you’re a man?!?!?!

For a few days after that, he didn’t say much and now he has started again. He keeps reciting these stupid poems all day long (stuff that doesn’t even rhyme- I can do better you bobo) and says stuff like “Hum aapke hain kaun” to….The Office Boy. But I can’t do anything. Because its not like he’s saying anything to me. What do I do inturn? I write stuff on a piece of paper and put it on my table, which of course he has to read as it belongs to someone else, or say stuff like “He’s such a piece of shit” over the phone.
And you won’t believe how nosy he is. In the beginning, before any of this happened, after every phonecall I used to make, he used to discuss my conversation on the phone with me. Like if I told someone I liked some song, he’d discuss the song with me. Yet again, I say, Fuck you.
And he still does the same. I mentioned some Stage drama I was going to today, and ever since then, he’s been asking the Office boy if he wants to accompany him to the Drama. Get a life you Indian.

Well, that episode is gonna be over soon. I have started looking for another job. I mean not really looking but have started thinking about it. I have sent my CV to a couple of places and have attended some interviews also. Of course I haven’t been rejected anywhere yet. Even in the offices where my experience didn’t fit the requirement, I was offered something else. Which obviously says a lot.

I remember, before I started this job, I went for an interview for a PA. They needed someone with a lot of experience, since the office was huge, and I didn’t have any experience. So the guy sent me to another office and told the guy to interview me for some other post. The other guy told me what the job profile would be like, which included airport pickups and drops (not me driving them, just accompanying them) and loads of other degrading stuff. After he finished, he told me “That’s the job profile. I’m ready to meet your expected salary but I don’t think you would accept it with that job profile. Am I right?”
I said “Yes” and walked out with a huge smile on my face, feeling extremely proud of myself. I would have never accepted a job where I feel degraded.

The other day, I went for an interview to City Centre. I got there two minutes late, waited for like ten minutes and then slipped out. I just couldn’t be bothered. That’s the problem with this job. Im just too comfortable here to look for somnething else. I mean except for the psychological torture and having-to-look-at-stupid’s-face-everyday, the work is too easy

Every interview I go to, they ask me why I have switched too many jobs, and then I can almost hear them thinking ‘She’s gonna run away the first chance she gets’. Whenever I go to Debenhams to meet the people I used to work with, absolutely everybody asks me “Where are you working now? Now as in after the one you told us about last week”. But I guess I am like that. I think of something that I don’t like about one job and after I start something else, I find something else that’s not too great and quit again. Atleast till now, I have been lucky and haven’t been without a job for too long (The longest was 18 days. OMG were those days horrible. Everyday was horrible. I felt so helpless because I had to stay home. AND I even had to cook sometimes..sigh-the sacrifices one has to make for feeding their family)

Pakistan and India had a series here in the UAE and my God was it amazing. I mean we won the first match by 6 wkts and Indos won the next one with only…… yes of course less than wat we did.. 5 wkts. And in the first match, there wasn’t even a chance for India to win. I went to sleep smug and content. But the next match could have been won by both. I mean it was only when they got Inzy out towards the end that they were sure they’d win. Otherwise, they’d be sooo insulted all over again.

I mean just look at them and then look at us. We have Shahid Afridi (I can feel myself swooning) and Shoaib Malik is THE Best. I mean tell me one thing thats wrong with that guy. ………………….See you can’t…Oh you want some more time. Ok …………………………………………………………………………………………………….. Told you. That’s how he is. Perfect. And how amazing is Shoaib Akhtar. The way he bowls is whoa! I mean an indian once told me that whenever she sees him running to bowl, she feels sorry for the batsman. And those looks he gives those Indos. They are the best example of ‘If looks could kill’. Tsk tsk tsk. I feel so sorry for them. They don’t even need someone so strong to scare them. Im sure even I could do the trick.
But since we have him, better put him to some use.
And then look at the Indian players
One, what is their obsession with wearing red and blue sunglasses on the field. I mean come on guys. Those just cover your eyes. Try a paper bag for your face, if you’re so embarassed. And some of them are downright scary- as in ugly scary. Balaji, Raina, Powar to name a few. And don’t even get me started on Sachin Tendulkar and Sehwag. At first I couldn’t even tell the difference since they’re both short, fat, ugly and Indian. I hate them from the deepest depths of my heart. And I don’t even need to start on Gone-in-sixty-seconds-Ganguly. An Indian could mock him for me.

I love Pakistan-especially the Cricket team-especially Shahid Afridi-and Shoaib Malik-and Shoaib Akhtar-and Abdul Razzaq-and Inzamam Ul Haq-and OMG how can i forget Imran Farhat (He is so cute)-and I’m sure nobody is reading this anymore so I’ll take a bow.

Thank you for bearing with me. In time, you will realise that this was for your own good.