Wedding Dance Video (that the whole world has seen already)

When they go back to the group and the groom tumbles out, that was like the greatest moment of my life basically.

And one thing I need to add here is how much fun we had with this song on Saturday. I learnt my new favourite dance move from the guy in the truck! Seriously, how cool was he.

Q. Whats up?

A. Nothing much.

As most of you would know, the up in the question is not used literally. In farsi, when a person says ‘Maunda na baushi’, the literal meaning is ‘Hope you’re not tired’, and the reply is ‘Zinda baushi’ (hope you stay alive – I know it sounds weird in english but I love saying it in farsi) or ‘Jor baushi’ (hope you stay well). When I was in Afghanistan last year, whenever someone would say Maunda na baushi?, my reply would be ‘Nope I’m not tired’. That’s like saying something extremely funny like The sky is up when someone asks you what’s up. The only farsi we know is what abu has taught us, and we’re not even sure what words he’s modified to his liking. When we speak to abu, if there’s a word we can’t find a match for in farsi, we usually just start speaking in English, and he’s never corrected us. In Afghanistan, I’d start the sentence, get stuck, use the English word, stop, stare, and then yell to Abu for help.

I wish I could speak better farsi. Its such a beautiful language. I understand it all and Noori said I’m better than all my siblings, and although all of us, even hamzo, can get by, I want to learn and use all the nice phrases like Zinda baushi, and Khair bibini and all the traditional gestures. The only phrase abu uses with us is when you ask him if he’s done with his namaz. He never says yes – he says Khuda qubul ish kona (Hope Allah t accepts it). I love it when he says that.

When I had an upset stomach in Afghanistan – whenever they were no men/elders around, I would sit clutching my tummy and groan in farsi that my tummy hurt. My 5 year old cousin would correct me every single time (I guess it runs in the family). I would say aaaah my tummy hurts, and she would say its not polite to say tummy, you should say my heart hurts. I would say but it doesn’t (not anymore :)), but she would keep insisting, until I started groaning in urdu. Take that!

I remember there was this one time, a few days post eid, when all of us were having our dinner and talking about random stuff. Out of nowhere, abu said that he didn’t appreciate us not wishing him Eid properly. We had said Eid Mubarak, and we asked him how else he wanted us to wish him. He said in Afghanistan, a person was supposed to come upto all his elders, take their hand and kiss it, and then wish them Eid Mubarak. Ever since then, we’ve tried to do this with abu, but he won’t ever ever let us kiss his hand. The first time this happened, I was surprised and thought ‘Dude do you not remember what you told us? Let’s just get this over with!’ But as much as you wrestle with him, he won’t let you kiss his hand. Back then I just concluded this was another one of abu’s things that we would never get. I was told the real reason last year when I went to Afghanistan.

Because abu is so old, most of everyone who came to visit us would hold his hand to kiss it. Abu would wrestle his hand out before they could kiss it every single time. So it wasn’t just us. When I asked my cousins why abu acted this way, they said it was tradition to kiss an elder’s hand out of respect, but it wasn’t good from an Islamic point of view. When you kissed another person’s hand, you were in effect kneeling in front of the other person. Which is not allowed is Islam.

I’m so glad he has taught us what’s right traditionally, but left out everything that doesn’t conform to Islam. Like how we don’t believe in peers and mazaars. We did visit a mazaar in Afghanistan, but we only prayed to Allah t for the person whose mazaar it was – not to him or through him.

I wish abu had taught us other stuff like this. The only farsi we can ace is the insults. None of us use any of the words, but you name it, we know it.

Every language has phrases like these. I remember I was speaking to Sonia right before one of my exams, and she told me that when you wanted to wish someone luck in French, you’d say _____, which in english translated to Big shit. Yes, exactly. I guess they meant it like Break a leg, but when she wished me Big Shit right before my Financial Reporting exam, I guess it goes without saying I wasn’t amused. We were both quiet for a few seconds and then she laughed and said Allah ma’ak humaira (may Allah t be with you). Maybe that’s why my exam went well :)

Wow. How pointless was this post? Khair, which post isn’t? Bye.

Home Alone and Married

Its weird being at home alone. My family is in Afghanistan having all sorts of yummy foods and we’re all alone here. The only proper meal I’ve had since friday is when we went out with Noori to McDonalds (proper meal, indeed). I guess its not so bad having some alone time, mainly because we know in no time, it’ll be back to the same fighting over the remote and constant chatter from the kids. Its only my brother, my elder sister and myself at home, and I feel like such a grown up. Since usman is either sleeping all day, or out with his friends, I can’t even tell he’s home. My sister and I have been doing everything together, and we have to take care of home now. I feel like I’m married to her. And I think I’m the wife sobia.

Usman says he didn’t go because he was sure abu would force him into marriage, and he’s convinced I had the same reason. He’s such a girl. After seeing abu’s reaction last time to my cousin, I’m sure there’s no possibility of that ever happening, although I don’t see how anyone with even a partially functioning brain would ever marry Usman, so maybe our only chance is an Afghan girl who’s out to get his money. Lol wait till she finds out abu has disowned Usman approximately 5million times.

They’re probably at my uncle’s house now doing something fun. Like drinking tea. Actually that’s the only thing I can think of that they might be doing. Well too bad for you mummy – you left me alone here to be miserable, I’m going to go to the beach and actually sit on the sand, and then come home in the same shoes. And have dinner on the bed. Take that!

Actually maybe just have dinner on the sofa. I don’t have it in me to eat on the bed yet. Maybe when they go next year!

On an unrelated note, we had to make mood boards for our training today, and I have glitter all over my hands and clothes. Oh no! (wink wink)

Another search term that led someone to my blog:

‘what prayers to say to mend a broken heart in Islam’

This is sad :( I hope they do find a way eventually, even if its not on google.

I miss my baby

Afghanistan Again

My parents and the kids are going to Afghanistan tomorrow. I’m so sad :( I wanted to go too, but I still haven’t finished my probation, so I won’t get leave from work. Plus I have to plan ahead to next year and considering that the size of my debt (not from a bank, of course, mostly from my family) is fast approaching the size of Iceland’s deficit, I thought the smart thing now would be to not go.

At first when abu said he was going, I knew I wouldn’t be able to go, but there was no way I was letting him go without ma and the kids – since they’ve never been anywhere too. Like last year, all our conversations began and ended with me telling him he had to take the kids. He has finally agreed (such a sissy) but now that I think about it, I can’t bear the thought of not being able to see ma and the kids when I get home everyday. I was just talking to abu on the phone, and even he started sniffing when I told him I would miss him :( And I wonder how I’m getting so expressive.

So I’ve spent the whole of last week making hamzo feel extremely guilty about leaving me alone here. That too for two whole weeks! He obviously replies by telling me I did the same thing twice last year, but that’s not important. Every sound that he (or anyone else, for that matter) makes, I yell to abu that it was hamzo, and that as punishment, he shouldn’t take him to Afghanistan with him. Poor hamzo, he keeps trying to clear his name, but its not like abu can actually hear anyone else over his own voice. I wonder when I’ll start acting my age.

On an unrelated note, I’ve been sick and I was told this morning that I look like crap. Yes, I’m looking forward to a great day ahead.

Disclaimer: Boring Post Ahead

Today was possibly the worst day I’ve had at work ever. I think I’m going to start looking for another job. Fat chance, I know. I just don’t want to risk my job getting so bad that I walk out and then being left with no job at all.

I feel like such a loser. Am I leaving because its hard work? I don’t think so – I used to work much much harder at my last job. I would voluntarily work extra hours and weekends, and never take time off. I remember dreading having more than two days off work in a week. Is it because I’m carrying baggage? I don’t think so. I was at first, but ever since Saadia asked me to give it a try, I’ve been trying hard. And doing much better.

Let me start at the beginning – My last workplace closed in January this year, and the first offer I got was from this Photography Gallery at DIFC. I was excited at first, but then for some reason, I didn’t want to do it at all. I remember knowing that the right thing was to take the job, atleast for the timebeing, but I didn’t want to. I was so miserable, until my family told me to forget about it. I started looking again, and one of my ex-colleagues set me up for an interview with this huge group. Alhamdulillah, as usual I did well, and got the job, although as usual, I got the where-do-you-want-to-be-in-5-yrs? question wrong. Anyway I got an offer, and accepted. I didn’t like it much at first – as usual I was extremely uncomfortable. Then I started hating it. Everyone told me this was a golden opportunity for me since I was working directly under the owner’s daughter. If I worked hard, I would get noticed, and since its such a large group, the only place I could go from there on was up. But I didn’t like it. I was a little nervous at first, and because I made one mistake and got told off, I kept making mistakes. I lost all confidence in myself. At my last workplace, if there was ever a discrepancy, I would tell them to make sure they had checked properly from their side, since it was next to impossible that I had made a mistake. I’m not sure if I was over-confident – I just used to work extremely hard, and trusted the work I did. And Alhamdulillah, the discrepancies always turned out to be the other person’s mistakes. Now, even if I was sure about what I had done, I started doubting myself. I was constantly owning up to mistakes that I hadn’t even made.

One day, I thought hard about what I had become and how miserable I was, and decided to leave. I spoke to Saadia, my manager from my last company, and she asked me to give it one last try. Because I didn’t care about losing my job anymore, I managed to get my confidence back. I started doing better at this job too. I even got a ‘Meets Job Requirements’ at my 3 month review, which coming from an Indian manager, equates to brilliant.

I also spoke to my manager, and told her I couldn’t bring myself to work harder because I didn’t feel ownership here. I didn’t feel the work was my own, and all I did was countdown to 6pm, and then the weekend, and then the end of the month, while making sure I kept up with everything I was asked to do – nothing less, nothing more. I later realised this wasn’t a very smart thing to say to the person who had hired me, but when have I been one to care? She told me even though she owned the company, she had started at the bottom, and this was the reason she had learnt so much – she had experienced everything firsthand.

At the expense of sounding stuck up, I’ll admit what the problem is. I feel I’m too smart for the work I’m doing now. I’m an assistant, and I’m not even doing half of what I used to do at my last job. I feel I’ve come to a dead end. I have no idea what I want to do with my life. People keep telling me I’m going to go places, because I’m hard working, but I don’t even know yet where I want to go. I’m getting my degree in Finance and Accounting, not out of interest though – only because it sounded less boring than Economics and Management. But do I want to work as an Accountant or in Finance? I don’t know. Our Finance Manager had a look at what level we were at from my textbooks, and was so impressed, he asked me if I wanted to move internally to work under him. I still haven’t replied to him. All the accountants I know are about as much fun to be around as it is to be around a camel. And I hate monotony, so I don’t really think I’m accountant material. But its the only job where I feel I can grow. The right move would be to start working under him now, and then by the time I get my degree next year, I’ll have some experience under my belt. But is it for me? And if not an accountant, do I want to continue doing want I’m doing now? Most definitely not. In this field, everytime I switch jobs, I have to start from rock bottom, and I feel I’m too old for that now.

Actually let’s come to the most basic question – do I want to do anything with my life? Do I really want to have a career? I don’t mind hard work, but I feel that if I’m going to end up staying at home, why bother now? Earlier when my sister used to say she didn’t plan on working 5 years from then, I used to scoff at her. I could never imagine not working – first because can you imagine how boring life would be and second, because I’m so used to being independent. I might not make a truckload of money, even though I’ve been working full time since 2004, but I don’t care as long as I get by. All my friends are making more than me, but its because I chose not to work in a bank that deals with interest. I got a better offer from the events division of my last company, but I declined because I didn’t want a job that dealt first hand with alcohol. As long as I make enough to pay my fees and petrol, I’m happy. One of my friends was telling her husband what she thought was right, and he told her off and said he could and would do what he wanted because it was his money :( I would never be able to bear that. She spends the whole day taking care of their three kids, and this is what she gets? So not fair. But now I understand where my sister was coming from. The thought of not having to work sounds extremely attractive to me right now. We had an extra day off this weekend for Isra wal Meraj, and I was ecstatic. That is how much I dislike work. I can’t wait for my probation period to end, because then I’m planning on going to a doctor and faking disease/death so I can get a sick leave certificate. Preferably once every two weeks.

Sometimes I think I should just walk out. What matters at the end of the day is that I’m happy, and if I don’t do this for myself, who will? Worse comes to worst, I’m sure I can ask abu to help me with fees. But do I want that? I don’t think so. Then I think maybe this unhappiness is self-created. Most of the people I work with are extremely nice, and there’s no chance work won’t get better with time. But do I want to give it time?

I don’t know what to do.

Rip

Tazeen’s father passed away last week. Please say a prayer for her and for her father.

I wont be posting anything for the next couple of days.

Swearing Provides Pain Relief, Say Scientists

I knew it!

Randomos Part 1 – My Autobiography & Popcorn

I can smell pop corn. I’m going home from work, and there’s no one next to me eating any, and the last time I had popcorn was like 1976. Well more like 2007 maybe. I like to exaggerate, but not when it makes me come across as older than I am.

How come I’ve never seen the Pakistani Womens cricket team play? I wonder what sort of uniforms they wear. Do you think they bukal (sp?) their dupattas?

Ice Age 3 is out. I can’t wait to watch it I loved the last two movies. If anyone is going, don’t forget to invite me.

This summer has been such a waste. I’ve been off from college for a whole month now, and I haven’t done anything. I had thought I’ll start working out regularly, but I’m still a long way off from regular. I want to make sure I’m so fit that I can eat as much food as I want more than 3 days in a row, without people asking me on the fourth day when the baby is due. Plus, I want to build some stamina in myself. Right now, I jog 500 metres and pant for the next 600 metres. But I’m still going to do it. I don’t know how people let themselves go. I love food more than anyone I know, and there’s no such thing as marginal utility in my dictionary. More often than not, I eat way more than is enough for my size, but I make sure I make up for it in some way or other. No offense to the fatties*, but I’m never putting on weight.

*Considering the way I talk, I wonder why I never got beaten up when I was younger. It must have been the Pakistani attitude.

Someone called me a rounded person the other day. I wonder what they meant.

Doesn’t bulimia sound very convenient? Eat as much as you want, without ever putting on weight. Although it does probably leave a bad
taste in your mouth.

We laughed so much at dinner Saturday night. It will be a long long time before I will be able to speak to Noori again, without thinking Banoo Mein Teri Dulhan and Chutney aka Ketchup.

Why do people think its cute to post pictures of their babies’ limbs on facebook? I mean the only reason I’ve been gushing over those baby feet is because I’m baby crazy, but surely no one else finds them as interesting?

I remember the last concert we went to, one of the bands were singing Pehli Nazar Mein by Atif Aslam. A repeated line in that song is Baby I love you. At this show, the guy would go ‘Babay I love you’ full of passion, and everytime, they would show a real baby on the LCD displays. So funny.

I love the new Atif Aslam track from the second episode of Coke Studio.

I was watching one of mummy’s Indian dramas yesterday as I waited for something and there was a scene where two of the main characters have just been in a fight (they’re married, duh). The whole khandaan starts
playing a game (does this happen in real life too? I know my family would die of embarrassment before they play a game like the one I will describe now) where each person writes down three things they lurve about their spouse, and then let’s the spouse read them out loud. When the girl opens hers, she sees that the guy has left the page blank:( This is why you shouldn’t get married.

I think I’m on the verge of one of my bad/sad moods.

There’s this silly girl in my bus who keeps competing with me for my favorite seat. Its my favorite because I get to sit all alone and it has a huge window. Everytime she gets the seat before me, she goes to sleep. Why does she even need a big window?

I love it when people address me by my name – both my first name and family name. One of my colleagues calls me Gulzad, and I like it so much, its the only time I don’t think he’s gay.

I <3 jelly beans.

I’ve decided what my autobiography will be called: ‘Seriously, What The Fuck: An Inspirational Journey Of The Soul’. Don’t forget to grab your copy!