I will need proof

me: I got to show me ur jalwa in Aaja nachle
  I LOVE IT
 Sobia: u shud get till teh end
 me: Although its so obvious Madhuri has aged, I still really liek her
 Sobia: she is so strong
  i lve her in teh movie
  yeah
  but she is no acting young
 me: Its so sad she gets divorced though
 Sobia: hmm
11:10 AM me: I would have expected better from Steve
 Sobia: of corse
 me: All talk
11:11 AM Sobia: steve was a douche bag
  men liek steve make me puke
11:13 AM me: He was cute though, so that kind of makes up for it
  Although mummy would not approve of his chin
11:14 AM Sobia: ill ahve to see wat u are talkign abt

11:23 AM me: Lol
  Up close inspection?
  Haram sobia
11:26 AM Sobia: i wish:(

Pakistani Pakistani Bhai Bhai/Behen

Rani: Humaira aap blah blah

Humaira: Rani aapki umar kya hai?

Rani: I’ll be 12 in December

Humaira: And I’m 23. That makes me twice your age. You shouldn’t call me Humaira.

Rani: Humaira aap pe suit nahi karta. Like if I call you Humaira baji or Humaira api, it makes you sound so old.

Humaira: Oh ok. Phir choro

Because the age difference between the first three of us was small, we’ve always used each other’s names and not baji, etc. and then the younger ones have followed suit. Not just us in the immediate family, we’ve never called our cousins and others bhai or baji unless they were like >10 years older. In that case, they were boring anyway so we didn’t speak to them much.

I guess we’re v Non-Pakistani like that. All the Pakistani girls I know add a Bhai to the names of their brothers, cousins, classmates, tailors, random men on the street, etc. I know a girl who is married to her cousin, and she continued to call him Bhai for months after they were engaged, because she was so used to it.

Its not that I feel I’m too good to be their sibling – its just so obvious what I’m trying to imply. I remember at one of my jobs, I worked with a really nice guy who had to work with many teenage and not-so-teenage girls, and from the first encounter onwards, he would call everyone Beta (translates to son, but when used liek this, it means kid). It was so funny watching the poor 24 year old call girls much older than him Beta. And why did he do this? So they wouldn’t get the wrong idea when he was too nice to them or joked around.

So if I call someone Bhai, I feel like I’m implying ‘I’m too good for them and they therefore need to stay away’, and how rude is that! I could never do it. I don’t even feel comfortable when others call me Sister, etc. too, because its like they’re trying to make their intentions clear to me. I don’t need that. I feel like such a fake saying it. So many times, I try, but its like my lips just can’t form the word. God knows I could use it though, because honestly, I need to be in the Guinness Book of World Records for the number of car mechanics I’ve misled.

me: but it ll be fine

  like b’s facebook status says

  never loose hope

  tsk im so mean

  I’m definitely going to hell

Sobia: lolllllll

  i swear i bet its for u

  i will never loose hope

  i will get humaira one day

 me: i think so too

 Sobia: lolllllllll

 me: lolll

 Sobia: lollllllllllllllllllllll

 me: so the meanness is a family thing

  you changed u r status again

  you’re meaner than i am

 Sobia: so i can keep reading it

  forever

_

me: worse comes to worst

  theres always b

  and faraz

  and tanveer the recovery guy

  and the guy i sold my civic to

  and the guy i sold my accord to

  and the bengali

  so its not so bad after all

 Sobia: yes

  u choose fiorst

  ill go next

  ok?

  please let me have ur left overs

 me: lolll

 Sobia: loser

 me: loll

  they re na chandaan leftovers

 Sobia: ur probably the dream girl for these mechanics

  u bring them amazing business

 me: even the first choices are kind of like leftovers

 Sobia: and ur pretty

 me: loser

 Sobia: lollllllllllllllllllll

  do teer main ek nishana

  lolllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll

  no need to work once they marry u

 me: fuck u sobia. And its ek teer mein do nishana

 Sobia: lollllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll

  i cant stop laughinggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggg

  omg so funnyyyyyyyyyyyyy

 me: umm ok

  i dont really find it funny

 Sobia: no?

My Punjabi Prowess

(Too long, I know)

me: ill actually leave on time today
xxx: but you have to pick up ur dad too right
me: no not today
  i m going somewhere else
xxx: party shati
me: nahi nahi
  just this seminar
xxx: han han sab yehi kehte hain
  “mein to parhai kerne ja rahi hun”
me: lol
  ok
  waise sobia toh roz yehi kehti hai na tumhe
xxx: nahin woh to perhti hai
  tumhara nahin pata
me: haan haan
xxx: ur a little chulbuli
me: :)
  are u describing my mood or are u saying im that
xxx: ur mood today
me: :)
xxx: otherwise ur grumpy all the time
me: no im not!
xxx: lol
  yes u are
  phadda kerne ko tayar rehti ho
me: haan woh toh hai
xxx: phatak se jawab deti ho
me: woh toh mujhe wirse mein mila hai
xxx: sobia ki behen ho is liye?
me: abu ki beti hun isliye
xxx: LOL OK
  aur kia kia wirse main mila hai
me: ghairat
xxx: acha
  woh kaise
me: thora kharab dimagh
xxx: thora?
  huh
me: intelligence
xxx: asscuse me
me: u wudnt knwo
  mujhe sobia se zyada mili hai
  she s hardworking-er
  im smarter
xxx: i like hardworking ppl
  lol
me: ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
  tooooo bad for me
  sike
xxx: yea
  dont feel sorry
  its alrigh
  hota hai
me: yaar
  mujse gham bardasht nahi ho raha
  kya karun
xxx: thanda pani piyo, Allah se dua ker
me: woh kuch kuch hota hai mein kehte hain na
  tera koi praa shraa nai hai?
xxx: mera pra te hai
  per bot chuta hai
me: ohhhhh
xxx: use waste twanu koi da saal wait kerna pai ga
me: da saaal me meri bhi te umar nikal jayegi
xxx: woh koi masla nahin
  mera pra bara handsome hai
me: da saal de wait de barabar handsome hai?
xxx: bilkul
  sabar da phal meeta
me: hmm
  chalo phir theek hai
xxx: soch ke bata dena
  da saal hain
me: ammii ko bhejoon tere kaaaar
xxx: nai nai
  abhi chota hai
  child marriage not allowed
  meri bebe nai mane gi
me: teri bebe ko mein mana lena
xxx: jutte parain ge
  begairat
  khud hi mana lena
  ?
me: toh kya tu manayega mere naal
xxx: time aan de
  mana lain gay
me: chalo theek hai
xxx: kia theek hai
  wait kero gi
  main bache ko sambhal ker rekhun?
me: umm not really
xxx: kyun bhai
  plan change?
me: hmm
  hota rehta hai
xxx: acha hua main nahin tha
  nahin to kunwara mar jata
  aap ke plan shalain
me: loll haan
xxx: so you said ur smarter than sobia?
me: yeha
xxx: acha
  koi mushkil sa sawal poochun
me: poocho
xxx: chalo asan sa hi pooch leta hun
  ready?
me: shoot
xxx: Mrs bandar ne green color ki bikini pehni, red kyun nahin pehni
me: ye is level ki smartness nahi hai mujh mein
  im not punjabi
xxx: choro coro
  sab yehi kehte hain
  koi smart wismart nahin ho
me: :p
xxx: aur poochun
me: koi normal sawal hai toh poocho
xxx: hmm chalo
  at what temperature does water start expanding while cooling
me: watever
xxx: lolll
me: u cnt make up stuff
xxx: kia hua
  nahin pataaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
me: yeah whatever
xxx: ???????????
me: nahi pata
  loser
xxx: physics nahin parhi hai bache ne
me: chalo i gtg pray now
  i hate physics
  i am smarter in worldly matters and economics
xxx: maidan chor ker bhag rahi ho hoshiyar
me: Allah ki ibadat karne
xxx: acha chalo
  elasticity poochta hun, jaldi wapis aao
me: no then i have to leave
xxx: ohho
  chalo
me: for my seminar
  so i will talk to u some other yeear
  have fun
xxx: to be continued…

I’m a bird

Super-humaira: I feel so popular everyone is asking me how I am
Mikey: Just a sprain though, yeah?
Super-humaira: Yeah
Mikey: You ARE popular
Mikey: You’re Super-Humaira
Mikey: What’s that in the sky?
Mikey: Is it a bird?
Mikey: Is it a plane?
Mikey: No …
Mikey: …
Mikey: … It’s a bird
Mikey: ;-)
Super-humaira: Lolll
Super-humaira: I’m going to put that on my blog
Mikey: Ha!

Chew the Fat

I have some time on my hands today, so I’m going through a few old chats (I <3 google talk), that I of course found amusing and therefore will share here.

So I’m making a new category (as if all my other posts are labelled perfectly – they’re all Random!) and I can’t deicde if I shoudl call it Twaddle or Burble. Burble sounds liek an Arab saying Purple, so thats nice.