Afghanistan 2009

My baby brother visited Afgahanistan in July with my parents and two sisters, and (after much nagging from me) this is what he had to say (I’ve added punctuation and my comments)

THE  AEROPLANE (you don’t need to shout) was   first  problem,  the  toilet  was  the  second  problem  and  the  people  were  the  third  because  in  the  plane,  mummy  was  saying  “aage  mard,  peeche  mard,  iss  taraf  dekho  to  mard,  oss  taraf  dekho  to  mard,  kisse  baat  karo?!”. 

in  the  toilet  every  time,  aisha  used  to  come  with  me.   when  we  got  down  the  stairs,  a  girl  runs  for  water (the toilets in the village don’t have water).  then  in  the  toilet,  when  I  was  sitting,  a  small  girl  named  sana  climbed  the  cage  of  hens  and  seeing  inside  in  every  one  second (he means sana used to climb the hen cage to peek into the toilet)  and  then  I  was  going  to  fall  and then  aisha  screemed  “na  biai” (go away)

and  the  people  were  asking  in  every  one  second  they  said  “monda  na   boshi   dick  na   boshi” (his spellings are hilarious. Maunda na boshi I’ve explained earlier, Dik na boshi is similar – meaning hope you’re not bored. Its pronounced dik – the d like daal, not liek umm Dick)

and  in  zarghonshar (our village) in  the  house  of  sabir (our cousin),  there  should  be  four  body guards (you needed to have four bodyguards everytime you had to use the toilet)  if  no  body guards,  the  dogs  will  be  crazy.  and  then  there  is  a  room (you need to pass through before you get to the toilet),  in  the  room   there  are  two  cows,  their  no.1  and  no.2 (pee and poo) 

and  in  the  house  of  dastagir -   dastagir’s   wife when  I  didnt  like  eating  something,  they  used  to  say  wee (typical Afghan – they go wheee whenever you surprise them. I was wheeeing for months after I visited).

they  asked  gudia  “do  you  study  school?”  she  said  “yes”.  they  asked  gudia “which  standard  are  you  in”  she  said  “seventh”  then  they  said  hea (This is v funny but I can’t explain it in writing)

in  the  house  of  nasrullah,  when  abu  used  to  put  his  ____  inside  his  ______ (funny but too gross to add to my blog. I’m sure my family can figure out the missing words).

first  I  was  happy (that he was travelling to Afghanistan) I  was  telling  usman  to  pinch  me (because he couldn’t believe his luck)  and  then  when  we  reached  there  then  I understood  after  one  day  I  am  going  to  be  mad.  mummy  told  the  right  thing  “uchal  uchal,  udar  ga (ja)  ke  khotinoon” (lollll)   

when  I  was  sick,   I  used  to  eat  something  I  would  have  to  go  to  the  toilet  for  one  hour

(At this point I asked him if he had anything nice to say about his country)  

it  was  very  nice  there  were  many  fruits.

Hamza on Me

my  sister

My  sister’s  name  is  Humaira  she  is  very  pretty

(Double-spaced and biased)

Eloquence runs in the family

I’ve been after the kids to document their trip to Afghanistan for my blog (like I did last year (too long, I know)), and I finally got hamza to write me something, that I’ll post shortly (with my comments of course).

Then I asked them to write somethign on me, to add to all my posts on my family. After a couple of hours with my laptop, I thought I’d see how Hamza was getting along. He had two windows open – one a word document with EVERYTHING he had to say about me, and the other, this.

You can guess how much time he spent on me when I publish the next post.

Eid Mubarak and The Return of Me

Ok first of all, Eid Mubarak :) Tip for next Eid, I think its much cooler to say Eid Mubarik. It makes you sound like a Pakistani girl.

Anyhoo so Ramadan is over, duh. I’m sad its over; it was fun while it lasted, although the last ten days did get a bit tiring. Thank god we didn’t have class every evening this year, because the few evenings that we did have to go were tough. So that was sehri followed by work, followed by iftar at the mall because there wasn’t enough time to go back home and then class until 9.30, an hour driving back home, taraweeh, a little sleep and then Qiyam ul Layl at 2am. I miss Qiyam ul Layl though. The funniest bit (even funnier than watching Aisha sleeping while she was standing (every night) and rani clicking her fingers in the middle of a rakat (every rakat every night)) was on the 21st night. Hamzo was standing next to me in Jamat (one of the women at taraweeh told him he came to the womens prayer area so he could look att the girls. God I couldn’t stop laughing). What the imam usually did was some really long ass eight rakats of Tahajjud followed by two rakats Shafa and one Vitr. Hamzo stood through all eight rakats and then he was v excited because in Shafa, the imam usually read only Surah al A’la (sp?), which was comparatively tiny. What the imam did now was continue where he had left off in Tahajjud for a good 15 minutes. As soon as hamzo noticed that he didn’t start with Sabbihismi rabbikal A’la after Surah Al Fatiha, his face fell like no face has fallen before! Bechara he’s tiny how do you expect him to stand for such long rakats? But he was man enough not to leave or sit through out.

What I’ll miss:
Tahajjud
Food
Getting to leave the gas chambers aka work early
Food
Mummy will miss her daily dose of Amir Liaquat
The general festive atmosphere – the disrupted routine

What I’m looking forward to:
Reading on the bus again. I used to either read or write on my blog on the bus on my way to work and back home, but during Ramadan I used that time to read the Quran Pak (which reminds me of another post I need to work on)
Listening to my music again. I was fine during the day but I would feel kind of sad when I went jogging without my ipod.
Writing on my blog again. Like now :)
Snacking. I never used to feel hungry during the day, but like I read somewhere – I wasn’t hungry; my mouth was bored.
Routine.

I just noticed I tried to kind of explain myself when I made the list on what I was looking forward to. Sorry Allah t.

Anyhoo, I missed so many things this Ramadan. I miss school and how I would compete with one of the girls in my class on who would have more Khatam-e-Qurans. We would compare where we were and how many siparas we had left everyday during recess. Btw, I know sipara means 3 paras or juz but when I say it, I mean one para. We call it sipara because I’m now too old to change what I’ve been doing for the last too many years.

I also miss Madina Badr. We used to go for Qiyam ul layl there too, and I remember once on the 27th night, this Pakistani Imam tried to get everyone together for Salat ut Tasbeeh. He was the most annoying imam ever! Talk about overdoing it. You know how you start Surah al Fatiha – Alhmadulillah e rabbil alameen. He went alhammmmmmmmmduuuuuulillllllllaaaaaaaaaahheeeee rabbbbbbbbbil alameeeeeeeen. He stretched all the parts you’re not meant to! Anyway that was when Abu swore off praying behind a Pakistani imam and now we usually just pray it ourselves (remind me to write about the 27th).

What else did I have to say? I can’t think of much right now. Eid was the usual – spending time at my mamus’ houses. We had a sort of an incomplete Eid this year, thanks to Mano Khala who decided she didn’t like Dubai anymore. I miss her :( And yesterday was probably the longest conversation I’ve had with her in the 9 years that I’ve known her. Oh and this year was the first time ever I called or msged almost everyone on my phone list. It wasn’t much of a list (I’m a loser), but still I’m v proud of myself ok?

Oh and one more thing we used to do in school was compare Eidis. We never got much thanks to the size of our kumba but still, we did ok. Even this year I got eidi from the usuals, but I’m not counting like half of it because the mamu who gave it to us said he won it the night before at backgammon. I’m thinking I’ll use the money for something that doesn’t matter to me much. Haram.

Oh and has anyone else noticed how tiny Isha is now that Ramadan is over?

Khwarzadi

They’re back tonight :D I’m so excited, I couldnt go back to bed after Fajr this morning, and trust me, that’s saying something.

I know they’ve been bored out of their minds. Every text my sister sends me, there’s a YAY (caps lock!) when she mentions that they’re back soon. And she’s sending us some of the most hilarious texts (atleast I think so)

Ok let me give you a little history so it makes sense. My 11 yr old sister watches Indian soaps all day long, I don’t know why. She’s the one who got ma addicted too, and her biggest woe when they were leaving was that she would miss so-so on this show, and so-so on the other. And again this will only make sense if you have an idea of Indian tv shows.

Guria said keep the remote control ready. She is willing to watch Sai Baba as long as its not in farsi.

My mother won’t let the kids (and actually even the adults) come close to the furniture after school or play until they wash themselves.

Hamzo says mummy will make him shower for two weeks before she lets him cross the carpet line

Also, this wont make any sense to any one, but I’ll still try. You knwo how your sister or  brother’s offspring are your nieces and nephews. In English, regardless of whether the kid is your sisters’ or your brothers’ , the boys are your nephews and the girls are your nieces. In Urdu, there are four different terms. In farsi, theres two terms: one for your sisters’ kids and one for your brothers. Ok Im tired now, but I’ll finish. Yeah so your sisters’ offspring are Khwarzada (khwar=sister + zada=offspring) basically the term means someone your sister has given birth to, and your brothers’ kids are your bratherzada or byarzada (brather/byar=brother).

Hamzo thinks a female khwarzada is a khwarzadi.

And this is funny because he got the reference from an urdu swear word. I think I should stop trying to explain this stuff.

Maybe I’ll ask them to write me a post about their trip to put on my blog. Aaand I’m working on a post on my family. I’m excited :)

Afghanistan Again

My parents and the kids are going to Afghanistan tomorrow. I’m so sad :( I wanted to go too, but I still haven’t finished my probation, so I won’t get leave from work. Plus I have to plan ahead to next year and considering that the size of my debt (not from a bank, of course, mostly from my family) is fast approaching the size of Iceland’s deficit, I thought the smart thing now would be to not go.

At first when abu said he was going, I knew I wouldn’t be able to go, but there was no way I was letting him go without ma and the kids – since they’ve never been anywhere too. Like last year, all our conversations began and ended with me telling him he had to take the kids. He has finally agreed (such a sissy) but now that I think about it, I can’t bear the thought of not being able to see ma and the kids when I get home everyday. I was just talking to abu on the phone, and even he started sniffing when I told him I would miss him :( And I wonder how I’m getting so expressive.

So I’ve spent the whole of last week making hamzo feel extremely guilty about leaving me alone here. That too for two whole weeks! He obviously replies by telling me I did the same thing twice last year, but that’s not important. Every sound that he (or anyone else, for that matter) makes, I yell to abu that it was hamzo, and that as punishment, he shouldn’t take him to Afghanistan with him. Poor hamzo, he keeps trying to clear his name, but its not like abu can actually hear anyone else over his own voice. I wonder when I’ll start acting my age.

On an unrelated note, I’ve been sick and I was told this morning that I look like crap. Yes, I’m looking forward to a great day ahead.

Hamzi the Traitor Quote

Aisha: Yay! Pakistan will win. We will kill India.
Hamzo: India will win!
Aisha: You traitor! How can you say that?!
Hamzo: Because I’m Indian.
Aisha: No you’re not. You’re not even Pakistani!
Hamzo: No really I’m an Indian. A long time ago, Mummy came to me and whispered in my ear “Don’t tell anyone, but you’re Indian”

Quote

Usman: Mummy Jamal ka ghar itna acha hai. Itna acha ghar meine kabhi nahi dekha.

Hamzo: Acha? Irshad Mamu ka ghar dekha hai? Unka kya ghar hai. Kya bartan hain.

Quote

Hamzi: Pata nahi kyun mein left side se dhumka* maarne ki koshish karta hun, sahi se nahi hota. Mein sirf right side se hi dhumka* maar sakta hun.

* actually thumka. dhumka in hamzi’s language

To Get A Haircut Or Not To Get A Haircut

No I’m not talking about myself. My hair is the shortest its been in a long long time, and I think I’ll pass on another haircut thank you. I was talkign about hamzo. I can’t decide if I like him more in short hair or long. And by long I dont mean ponytail long ok, because that’s just gay. I mean this long.

and this is short

You know one thing I love about hamzi? He really cares about what I think. I remember when everyone (except Usman!) came to pick us at the airport when me and abu got back from Afghanistan, he was telling me how he was going to wear some shoes which would match his outfit, but then he remembered I liked these other shoes, and so he changed his whole outfit to go with the shoes I liked. How can you not love someone so sweet?