Sheikh Nike was right

Impossible really is nothing. Why do I think so?

Ali got married. Ali Don.

I’m beginning to think even Usman has a chance now.

You Know?!

I just remembered a funny story to add to my last post:

The first time I made a joke involving the male genitalia in front of Shahi and Saadia (there were no guys around, I’m not that vahiyaat), Shahi’s mouth dropped in shock. I think her exact response was “You know?!”

I was 22 years old.

Sensibly Crazy

The Atif Aslam songs reminded me of a post I’ve been thinking of writing for a while now. I remember up until a couple of years ago, I was Crazy about Atif Aslam. I went to every one of his concerts here, complete with taking a million pictures (that were so blurry because of the distance, I might as well have taken pictures of myself), screaming throughout, and crying at the sad songs. I downloaded all his new albums and made sure I listened to each song quite a few times before I rejected any. I think I even had a separate category for him on my old blog.

Then, I got over it. I was at a concert one time, and someone told me that he was drunk then, and that is how he usually performed. As crazy as I was about him until then, I thought Ew. I still like his songs, and my favouritest song is still by Atif Aslam, but I don’t feel the same about him anymore. Plus I have other options now, remember?

Whenever I swoon over a film star or a cricketer, I get told that I don’t look like the type who would/could have crushes. At first, I used to get really offended because I took this an insult to my, umm what is the equivalent of Mardaangi? Anyway, I used to think why would it seem weird if I had a crush? I mean, please – I’m a near-normal girl; then why is my sister convinced I’m homosexual?

But I guess it is the truth (not the homosexual part). I don’t have as many crushes as a regular girl, and even the ones I do, are very realistic. I never use words liek Hot or Sexy, because when I use them, I feel like I’m trying to imply much more than just that I think they’re umm likeable. Ok I don’t know how to say this clearly. Its just that I don’t see the point of pursuing something if I feel there might not be a (halal) result at some point in the future. And I don’t just mean this in the above context i.e., a (yeah-right-never-happening) crush.

Everyone in my office think of me when they want to forward an Islamic email; I remember I asked my manager once why she had forwarded an email with a few ahadith only to me. She said she was keeping me up to date.

And maybe its a good thing because others treat me with more respect. I was the only one in class who never got called names, because I didnt like it and I didn’t call anyone names myself. Saherin gets a kick out of singing disgusting songs in front of me, because I keep mumbling words like haram and vahiyaat the whole time.

Now I take this as almost a compliment to the Muslim me. I really do have sensible crushes. Liek why do you think I don’t go as crazy about Shahid Afridi? Well, because he is married. Shahid Kapoor? He’s not much of a Muslim. Plus, have you seen how good looking these guys are? Why waste time (and maybe even accumulate gunah) in the process, when I know nothing is ever happening?

Shoaib Malik as a crush is more realistic. He isn’t exactly great looking – more my level, so I might just have a chance. He prays regularly, as do I. Plus he’s the right age, exactly the right profession, relatively smart, but not enough to make me feel dumb, and his limited English has a Pakistani accent – seriously, we’re meant to be.

 

 

Puchki

There’s this guy on one of Mummy’s Indian tv shows who’s called something Indian, but because his wife calls him Puchki, that is how ma refers to him as well. So funny.

I don’t use pet names/nicknames much, and I don’t let others address me with the same. Not many, anyway. I guess its how we’ve seen Abu and Ma. They think using these names isn’t right because it ruins your real name. Although Abu still does have names for us. Like when Aisha was younger, he used to call her Chuchu. How cute is that :) Maybe I’ll start calling you that again Aichu. Wait, I just had a visual where I was pulling your cheeks and calling you Aichuchu, and it looked kind of awkward, what with me having the pull-worthy-cheeks and you being taller than me. I don’t see it working.

There were some girls in my class who tried a few names for me but they never stuck (mainly because of my frown). Farrah used to call me humumu (I know!), Shahi called me Huhu, and now Aliya and Porus call me humzy. Its kind of cute when they say it. And like someone said, sometimes it is nice when only one person calls you a name.

Anyhoo, so why I don’t use them is because I don’t mean them. The only ones I use are for my two younger siblings – Jaani/Hamzo (Hamza) and Rani/Rano (Fathima). These are the only two I feel comfortable with because I mean it with them. Hamza really is my jaan and I love him and Rani to bits. Calling anyone else would feel fake to me. And I might be a communist, I might be a pornstar, but I am not fake*

*Abu will disown me first for being a communist.

I just saved your life, you’re welcome

(I hate mass-forwarded emails)

If you take an aspirin or a baby aspirin once a day, take it at night. (that makes sense)

The reason: aspirin has a 24-hour “half-life”. (~huh~)

Therefore (?), most heart attacks happen in the wee hours of the morning, the aspirin would be strongest in your system. 

2. (when did the numbering start) FYI, aspirin lasts a really long time in your medicine chest. Please read on.

WHY ASPIRIN BY THE BED saves lives. (ridiculous)

It is important to always have ASPIRIN in the home!!! Why have Aspirin by the bedside?

ABOUT HEART ATTACKS: There are other symptoms of a heart attack besides the pain down the left arm. One must also be aware of an intense pain on the chin, as well as nausea and lots of sweating, however these symptoms may also occur less frequently.
NOTE: There may be no pain in the chest during a heart attack. The majority of people (about 60%) who have had a heart attack during their sleep, did not wake up. However, if it occurs, the chest pain may wake you up from your deep sleep. If that happens, IMMEDIATELY DISSOLVE TWO ASPIRINS IN YOUR MOUTH and swallow them with a bit of water. Afterwards, phone a neighbour or a family member who lives very close by and state “HEART ATTACK!!!” (lolll) and that you have taken 2 ASPIRINS!

Take a seat on a chair or sofa and wait for their arrival and DO NOT LIE DOWN!!!

A Cardiologist has stated that, if each person, after receiving this e-mail, sends it to at least 10 people, probably a life could be saved! (right, this is probably what they teach Cardiologists in school. Acting school!)

PASS IT ON this message IT MAY SAVE LIVES !!

It stinks anyway

How bad for you is smoking Shisha?

Disastrous! A 40-minute Shisha session is like smoking 40 cigarettes, but worse as the smoke is cooled by the water, becomes denser (remember Boyle’s Law?) and therefore more concentrated and more dangerous once it gets to the lungs.

Don’t

People always come up to me and say my smoking is bothering them – well its killing me, but do you see me complaining?

Aam Aadmi

Ghalib, the famous Urdu poet, was a great lover of mangoes. He was travelling with his friend once, and they came across a donkey. There were several mangoes in front of the donkey, but he hadn’t touched them. The friend taunted Ghalib, saying “Dekho gadha bhi aam nai khata” (See, even a donkey doesn’t eat mangoes).

Ghalib, quick witted that he was, retorted “Haan, gadha hi aam nai khata” (only donkeys don’t eat mangoes).

I am a visionary

Question in Financial Reporting Midterm Exam (this exam doesn’t count when they grade you at the end of the year, so obviously I never study for it): Do you think a single set of Financial Reporting standards can be designed that will be reasonably adequate for all major users of their needs?

Answer: Someday, InshaAllah

P.s. There’s a huge traffic jam on my way home and its too dark to read so I’m bored and posting.

Reason#29 Why I miss my old job

I don’t get a chance to listen to new music anymore :( I hardly find time to listen to my favourites. At my old job, I would download whole albums that looked promising, play each track a few times, and then delete as appropriate. From the tracks I liked, I would send the best to my sisters, and a few other friends, with comments like ‘you don’t thank me enough’ or ‘if I dont get a reply to this email detailing how I am amazing, I am not sending you any more songs’. And I am accomodating when it comes to people with bad taste (not everyone can be perfect, you know), but once in a while I’d be annoyed at how someone would voice their distaste for my new favourite song, and from then on, they’d be off my list. Their loss.