Farz Karo by Ibn e Insha

I don’t usually get poetry, but this sounded nice the first time I heard it:

Farz karo hum ahlay wafa hon, Farz karo deewanay hon,
Farz karo yeh dono batein jhooti hon, afsanay hon,

Farz karo yeh ji ki bipta, ji say jor sunayee ho,
Farz karo abhi aur ho itni, adhi hum nay chuppayee ho,

Farz karo tumhein khush karnay kay dhonday hum nay bahanay hon,
Farz karo yeh nain tumharay sach much kay maykhanay hon,

Farz karo kay yeh rog ho jhoota, jhooti preet humari ho,
Farz karo is preet kay rog mein sans bhi hum par bhari ho,

Farz karo yeh jog bijog ka hum nay dhong rachaya ho,
Farz karo bas yehi haqeeqat, baqi sub kuch maya ho.

Wedding Dance Video (that the whole world has seen already)

When they go back to the group and the groom tumbles out, that was like the greatest moment of my life basically.

And one thing I need to add here is how much fun we had with this song on Saturday. I learnt my new favourite dance move from the guy in the truck! Seriously, how cool was he.

Except, With More Spandex

Its not stealing if I ask the owner of the blog before I copy their stuff, so thank you daysofarabianlives for letting me :) This is hilarious!

From: Jeff Peters
Date: Wednesday 8 April 2009 10.22am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Membership Renewal

Dear David

This is a friendly reminder to let you know your gym membership expired last week. Your membership is important to us and we would like to take this opportunity to show our appreciation by offering you a 20% discount on your membership renewal. We look forward to seeing you again soon.

All the best, Jeff Peters

 

From: David Thorne
Date: Wednesday 8 April 2009 1.37pm
To: Jeff Peters
Subject: Re: Membership Renewal

Dear Jeff,

Thankyou for your friendly reminder and the kind offer to reduce my membership by twenty percent. I own a calculator but I could not work out how to do percentages on it so have estimated that I save around $372.10 off the normal price of $420.00 – Please confirm that this is correct and I will renew my membership immediately. Also, do I get a Fitness First sports bag with towel and drinking bottle included in the price? I own my own legwarmers and headband.

Regards, David.

 

From: Jeff Peters
Date: Thursday 9 April 2009 10.01am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Membership Renewal Due

Hello David

How did you come to that amount? Our half year membership fees are actually $460 but with the 20% discount as an existing member your renewing membership fee would be only $368 for the six months saving you almost $100 off the normal price. We are not Fitness First so do not have those bags.

Cheers, Jeff

 

From: David Thorne
Date: Thursday 9 April 2009 10.18am
To: Jeff Peters
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Membership Renewal Due

Dear Jeff

Do I get free shipping with that?

Regards, David.

 

From: Jeff Peters
Date: Thursday 9 April 2009 12.48pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Membership Renewal Due

Free shipping with what? The $368 covers your membership fees for six months.

 

From: David Thorne
Date: Thursday 9 April 2009 2.26pm
To: Jeff Peters
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Membership Renewal Due

Dear Jeff

By the power of Greyskull that is a lot of money but I admit to being in desperate need of increasing my body strength. My ten year old child often turns the taps off in the bathroom very tightly and I have to go several days without washing. I feel bad constantly having to ask the lady from next door to come over and loosen them for me, what with her arthritis and limited wheelchair access to my apartment. To be honest, I originally joined your gym with full intentions of attending every few days but after waiting in vain for someone to offer me steroids, I began to suspect this was not going to happen and the realisation that I may have to exercise instead was, quite frankly, horrifying. My aversion to work, along with the fact one of your employees, Justin, was rather rude, telling me to ‘lift this’, ”push that’ dulled my initial enthusiasm of becoming muscular and I stopped attending.

Regards, David.

 

From: Jeff Peters
Date: Friday 10 April 2009 9.17am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Membership Renewal Due

Hello David

Not sure how to take your email, nobody here would offer you steroids, it is illegal and none of our staff would do this. Justin is one of our most experienced trainers and if you found him rude while he was trying to be helpful and just doing his job then there are plenty of other gyms you could look at joining instead.

Cheers, Jeff

 

From: David Thorne
Date: Friday 10 April 2009 10.02am
To: Jeff Peters
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Membership Renewal Due

Dear Jeff

Yes, I have noticed that there are many gyms in my area. I assume the low qualification requirements of fitness trainers means that there is an over supply of these buffed but essentially otherwise purposeless professionals. I knew a guy in high school who couldn’t talk very well and collected sticks, he used to call the teacher ‘mum’ and during recess we would give him money to dance. Then sell him sticks to get our money back. He went on to become a fitness instructor so I view gyms as kind of like those factories that provide a community service by employing people with down syndrome to lick stamps and pack boxes. Except with more Spandex obviously.

Regards, David.

 

From: Jeff Peters
Date: Friday 10 April 2009 10.32am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Membership Renewal Due

Go f$*k yourself.

 

From: David Thorne
Date: Friday 10 April 2009 11.38am
To: Jeff Peters
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Membership Renewal Due

Dear Jeff

I was, at first, quite surprised at your response; one minute you are inviting me to renew my membership and asking me for money, the next insulting me. After doing a little research however, I have learnt that mood swings are an expected side effect of steroid abuse. As another side effect is a reduction in the size of your p#$%, this gives you understandable cause to be an angry person. I have also learnt that Spandex contains carcinogenic properties so this does not bode well for yourself and your shiny friends. If I woke up one morning and my p#$% was a quarter of the size I would probably take my anger out on those around me as well. There are probably support groups or websites that could help you manage your problem more effectively and picture based books available on the subject for people with limited reading skills. When I am angry I like to Listen to music by Linkin Park. The added angst and desire to cut myself works similarly to the way firefighters fight forest fires by burning off sections, effectively canceling each other out and I find myself at peace. I understand that you guys usually listen to Pet Shop Boys or Frankie Goes to Hollywood so this may be worth a try.

Regards, David.

 

From: Jeff Peters
Date: Friday 10 April 2009 1.04pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Membership Renewal Due

DO NOT EMAIL ME AGAIN

 

From: David Thorne
Date: Friday 10 April 2009 1.15pm
To: Jeff Peters
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Membership Renewal Due

Ok.

 

From: Jeff Peters
Date: Friday 10 April 2009 1.25pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Membership Renewal Due

Is that you being a smartarse or agreeing not to email me again?

 

From: David Thorne
Date: Friday 10 April 2009 1.32pm
To: Jeff Peters
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Membership Renewal Due

The middle one.

Untitled

Aren’t we all a little afraid of not being able to say what we truly want to? There are these moments in life that slip us by, and then unspoken apologies and confrontations haunt us forever.

Main aur meri tanhayi, aksar ye baatein karte hain.

A friend in tweed is a friend indeed

I’ve subscribed to like a million new blogs this morning (my manager is on holiday, and therefore, so am I (although I still have to be at the office)) and trust me, when I say a million, I mean atleast 50 new blogs!

This is something I read (and stole) from Isheeta’s blog. So true, only in my case, my friends include my sisters Sobia and Aisha*, both of who I love a lot, despite the looks I give them when they don’t do what I say.

My friends help me mend broken hearts – via emails, via fbs, via phones, via ice creams… they inspire me with their feats of strength even when they’re down, and they make me wonder why I’m whining anyway. They make me realize that I don’t really miss him, I just miss the thought of what could’ve been with him.

*Wait till my third sister reads this. You know I love you right rani?

10 tips to help you relax

1. Oh, forget it. Just chill.

2.

3.

4.

5.

6.

7.

8.

9.

10.

P.s. Is it just me, or does ‘Just chill’ sound very indian?

Online Nikah

Funniest. Post. Ever.

I’m getting married *screams* : aa
Abdul: wa
I’m getting married *screams* : what’s going on?
Abdul: nothing much.
I’m getting married *screams* : did u get any word on the banquet hall?
Abdul: ugh
Abdul: i tried everywhere ayesha and every place was so expensive
I’m getting married *screams* : OMG!!!
I’m getting married *screams* : abdul!!
Abdul:
I’m getting married *screams* : do you know much it sucks to wait! we’ve been waiting to get this nikkah done for months!
Abdul: sorry
I’m getting married *screams* : omg this is retarted
Abdul: *retarded
I’m getting married *screams* : shut upp
Abdul: are you mad at me?
I’m getting married *screams* : maybe
Abdul: Well I have an idea (i)
I’m getting married *screams* : oh this will be good
Abdul: we can have an online nikkah
I’m getting married *screams* : a what?!
Abdul: yeah! it should be easy to do. i think everyone we need is online right now. let’s get it done!
I’m getting married *screams* : oh wow
Abdul: come on, i’m sinning right now just typing to you. let’s nikkah this thing asap!
I’m getting married *screams* : arright arright lemme call my abbu and tell him the story… that u r being stingy and don’t want to book a banquet hall and just want to do it online lolzz
Abdul: lol
I’m getting married *screams* : brb
Abdul: k I’m getting married *screams* : omg my dad agrees haha
Abdul: hahah i knew it. we’re sooo stereotypical memons eh
I’m getting married *screams* : yeah lolz
I’m getting married *screams* : ok now what
Abdul: well i jsut explained to imam saab our ordeal. he has agreed to perform the nikkah
Abdul: *just
I’m getting married *screams* : phew

The Imam – “Baby Cause I’ma Thug” has been added to the conversation.

Abdul: Salam Imam.
The Imam – “Baby Cause I’ma Thug” : wut da
The Imam – “Baby Cause I’ma Thug” : hu added me?!1
Abdul: Imam it was me. i talked to you about it in the other window remember?
The Imam – “Baby Cause I’ma Thug” : oh yeah
The Imam – “Baby Cause I’ma Thug” : do u no da hole ish?
Abdul: sorry?
The Imam – “Baby Cause I’ma Thug” : fiqh man
I’m getting married *screams* : imam i dont think u should substtute that as a curse word
The Imam – “Baby Cause I’ma Thug” : wha?
The Imam – “Baby Cause I’ma Thug” : LOL
The Imam – “Baby Cause I’ma Thug” : no no i meant the fiqh of a nikkah.
Abdul: oh
The Imam – “Baby Cause I’ma Thug” : hah yeah my bad.
Abdul: hmmm i know the basics.
The Imam – “Baby Cause I’ma Thug” : no worries ill talk u threw it k?
Abdul: k
The Imam – “Baby Cause I’ma Thug” : first thing iz we need yo hunny bunny 2 leave da chat window
The Imam – “Baby Cause I’ma Thug” : then we be needin her pops yknow wha im sayin?
Abdul: so she has to leave and bring her dad in?
The Imam – “Baby Cause I’ma Thug” : str8 up
Abdul: ok you got that ayesha? stay online but leave the window. and tell your dad to get online. i think he’s on my list for some reason.
I’m getting married *screams* : lolz my dad? he doesnt use msn 2 much. arright ill let him know.

I’m getting married *screams* has left the conversation.

The Imam – “Baby Cause I’ma Thug” : so where’d u 2 meet?
Abdul: oh u know. she liked to view my naseeb journal and i liked her profile. a few salams and some private messages later it turned into a full blown fest on MSN
The Imam – “Baby Cause I’ma Thug” : aww man astagfirullah
Abdul: I know. thats why we’re doing this nikkah.
Abdul: nice her dad is on

dr. khan (phd) has been added to the conversation.

Abdul: salams uncle
The Imam – “Baby Cause I’ma Thug” :
dr. khan (phd): haalo?
The Imam – “Baby Cause I’ma Thug” : duz da pops no da dillio?
dr. khan (phd): ajeeb
Abdul: hahah uncle i invited you in… you have to be part of the nikah.
Abdul: basically you are speaking on behalf of Ayesha
Abdul: you there uncle?
The Imam – “Baby Cause I’ma Thug” : damn dis nigga types slow. itz been saying “dr. khan (phd) is typing a message” for ages.
dr. khan (phd): Yes I Am Here.
dr. khan (phd): Please Hurry.
dr. khan (phd): Chai Is Almost Ready.
Abdul: lol
The Imam – “Baby Cause I’ma Thug” : LOL wut a playa
The Imam – “Baby Cause I’ma Thug” : anyhoo letz git dis sho on da road
Abdul: okay.
The Imam – “Baby Cause I’ma Thug” : arright first ting … u 2 mofos agreed to get hitch’d yeh? none of dis wuz forced?
Abdul: yeah… it was all us.
The Imam – “Baby Cause I’ma Thug” : aight … u have seen her b4 yeh? its good to no what she lookz like
Abdul: yeah she sent me a pic of her
dr. khan (phd): Ahh??
The Imam – “Baby Cause I’ma Thug” : UH OH … busted! lol
Abdul: no no she had hijab on its all good.
dr. khan (phd):
Abdul: heh.
Abdul: yeah.
Abdul: hey imam you there?
The Imam – “Baby Cause I’ma Thug” : a/s/l?
Abdul: WHAT?
The Imam – “Baby Cause I’ma Thug” : oh sorry man rong window lol
Abdul: imam! hahah. i thought you were married!
The Imam – “Baby Cause I’ma Thug” : I am. slots #2, #3, #4 still open
The Imam – “Baby Cause I’ma Thug” : heh just remember u 2 dawgs arent like hitched yet aight. dont get hanky panky yet till we r done aight?
Abdul: k
The Imam – “Baby Cause I’ma Thug” : aight aight. we need 2 witnesses. 1 dawg & 2 dawgettes or 2 dawgs. either way man.
Abdul: I got two guys that aren’t doing anything. They’ve already changed their screen name so they’re all set.

Witness #1 has been added to the conversation.
witness #2 has been added to the conversation.

Abdul: sup gentlemen
witness #2: awwww man i didn’t know his name would be capitalized.
Witness #1: Waita go idiot.
witness #2: stfu
Abdul: Guys! we have an imam present! and an uncle!
Witness #1: oh sorry.
The Imam – “Baby Cause I’ma Thug” : no worries dawg. inshallah that wont happen again ya hear?
Witness #1:
dr. khan (phd): Be Right Back. I’m getting my chai.
witness #2: WTF? the uncle is getting tea now!?
Abdul: well we can’t really do anything until he gets back.
witness #2: dude omg omg. i got an exam tomorrow. WHO THE HELL DOES A NIKKAH ON A WEDNESDAY NIGHT?
Abdul: listen man you two were the only people on my list that were online so i asked you two to be the witnesses okay?
Witness #1: pipe down witness #2.
witness #2: i swear if i fail orgo tomorrow then your marriage will officially suck.
The Imam – “Baby Cause I’ma Thug” : yo dawg chill
dr. khan (phd): I am back. Let’s begin.
The Imam – “Baby Cause I’ma Thug” : aight aight. we gotz da wallee in the hizouse.
witness #2: what is that
The Imam – “Baby Cause I’ma Thug” : a walee is like the wife’s dawg y’know? a guardian.
witness #2: oh
The Imam – “Baby Cause I’ma Thug” : next up is two witnesses.
Witness #1: yeah i’m here.
witness #2: same
The Imam – “Baby Cause I’ma Thug” : i take it u both are dawgs
Witness #1: as opposed to?
The Imam – “Baby Cause I’ma Thug” : dawgettes.
Witness #1: ummm yeah i’m male.
witness #2: ^ you sure fooled me.
Abdul: lol
witness #2: lol
The Imam – “Baby Cause I’ma Thug” : LOL OWNED
Witness #1:
The Imam – “Baby Cause I’ma Thug” : aight aight. yo dr.k u dere?
dr. khan (phd): Yes I Am Here.
The Imam – “Baby Cause I’ma Thug” : dawg u type funnie man.
The Imam – “Baby Cause I’ma Thug” : Abdullizo u gave yo hunny bunny the dowry right
Abdul: ummm i gave her some
The Imam – “Baby Cause I’ma Thug” : good enuf. wut was da amount
Abdul: i basically just pasted 786 times in her window.
The Imam – “Baby Cause I’ma Thug” : lol dude that 786 ting is wacked
Witness #1: yeah but it’s easy to hack into any paki’s e-mail account. there’s always a 786 in there somewhere.
witness #2: hey! it was you!
Abdul: shut up guys i’m trying to get married
The Imam – “Baby Cause I’ma Thug” : ok dr.k.
dr. khan (phd): Yes?
The Imam – “Baby Cause I’ma Thug” : i need u to repeat this: “I, the brider’s father and guardian, grant permission for ______ to marry my daughter ______ for the sake of Allah (SWT) for 786 in front of these two dawgs.”
dr. khan (phd): I Have To Write This Whole Thing Out?
The Imam – “Baby Cause I’ma Thug” : naw dawg. just copy paste it.
dr. khan (phd): “I, the brider’s father and guardian, grant permission for ______ to marry my daughter ______ for the sake of Allah (SWT) for 786 in front of these two dawgs.”
The Imam – “Baby Cause I’ma Thug” : naw dawg naw
The Imam – “Baby Cause I’ma Thug” : u gotta fill in da blanks with bride and grooms name k

dr. khan (phd): OK
dr. khan (phd): “I, the brider’s father and guardian, grant permission for Ayesha Khan to marry my daughter Abdul for the sake of Allah (SWT) for 786 in front of these two dawgs.”
The Imam – “Baby Cause I’ma Thug” : close. u just got it backwards lol.
dr. khan (phd): lol
dr. khan (phd): “I, the brider’s father and guardian, grant permission for Abdul to marry my daughter Ayesha Khan for the sake of Allah (SWT) for 786 in front of these two kutai.”
The Imam – “Baby Cause I’ma Thug” : bam. str8 up gold
Abdul: now what?
The Imam – “Baby Cause I’ma Thug” : well itz da sunnah to da a khutbah but i cant do 1 right now
witness #2: good I gotta study
Witness #1: Shut up witness #2.
The Imam – “Baby Cause I’ma Thug” : so we just cut to me askin yo suga muffin if she accepts aight
The Imam – “Baby Cause I’ma Thug” : k abdul. get outta here so we can invite her.
Abdul: arright.

Abdul has left the conversation.
I’m getting married *screams* has been added to the conversation.

The Imam – “Baby Cause I’ma Thug” : yo sup ayesha
I’m getting married *screams* : sup
The Imam – “Baby Cause I’ma Thug” : k we need yo permission to be da wife of the Abdullizo.
I’m getting married *screams* : lol
witness #2: what does that mean????
The Imam – “Baby Cause I’ma Thug” : good enuf
The Imam – “Baby Cause I’ma Thug” : now ged outta here so we can finis dis shiz

I’m getting married *screams* has left the conversation.
Abdul has been added to the conversation.

Abdul: what happened?
witness #2: she said no.
Abdul: !!
witness #2: jokes
Witness #1: lol
The Imam – “Baby Cause I’ma Thug” : LOL
dr. khan (phd): hahaha
Abdul: ugh
The Imam – “Baby Cause I’ma Thug” : k now 4 da grand finale

The Imam – “Baby Cause I’ma Thug” has left the conversation.

Abdul: what the hell!?
witness #2: AHAHAHAHAHAHAH
Witness #1: best wedding ever.

The Imam – “Baby Cause I’ma Thug” has been added to the conversation.

The Imam – “Baby Cause I’ma Thug” : sorry dawgs. got d/c
The Imam – “Baby Cause I’ma Thug” : abdullizo, do u accept Ayesha Khan as u r wife for 786 blings?
Abdul: I accept.
The Imam – “Baby Cause I’ma Thug” : more.
Abdul: errr… I accept Ayesha as my wife.
The Imam – “Baby Cause I’ma Thug” : bam. str8 up gold.
The Imam – “Baby Cause I’ma Thug” : did da uncle n witnesses c it?
dr. khan (phd): Yes I did.
Witness #1:
witness #2:
The Imam – “Baby Cause I’ma Thug” : k u n ayesha r officially married.
Abdul: yes!

I’m getting married *screams* has been added to the conversation.

Abdul: hey Ayesha. change your screen-name! we did it!
I GOT married *screams* : lol
witness #2: finally. congrats. i’m out. ws

witness #2 has left the conversation.

Witness #1: congrats.
Witness #1: may Allah (SWT) bless your marriage.

Witness #1 has left the conversation.

The Imam – “Baby Cause I’ma Thug” : waita go playa.
The Imam – “Baby Cause I’ma Thug” : now to show da otha window sum love ws
Abdul: Jazakallah Imam.
The Imam – “Baby Cause I’ma Thug” : np

The Imam – “Baby Cause I’ma Thug” has left the conversation.

Abdul: alone! finally!
I GOT married *screams* : not quite.
dr. khan (phd): Ayesha:
I GOT married *screams* : yes abbu?
dr. khan (phd): Congratulations. I love you. Once you are done with this chat please come downstairs to clean the kitchen. Khudahafiz.

dr. khan (phd) has left the conversation.

I GOT married *screams* : lol he could have just shouted. i’m only a floor above him.
Abdul: so now what?
I GOT married *screams* : oh … you know

Life’s Instruction Book

Somebody forwarded me this email and I really liked, it so I thought I’d post it to my blog. I’ve higlighted the ones I liek most.

Have a firm handshake.

Look people in the eye.

Sing in the shower.

Own a great stereo system.

If in a fight, hit first and hit hard.

Keep secrets.

Never give up on anybody. Miracles happen everyday.

Always accept an outstretched hand.

Be brave. Even if you’re not, pretend to be. No one can tell the difference.

Whistle.

Avoid sarcastic remarks.

Choose your life mate carefully. From this one decision will come 90 per cent of all your happiness or misery.

Make it a habit to do nice things for people who will never find out.

Lend only those books you never care to see again.

Never deprive someone of hope; it might be all that they have.

When playing games with children, let them win.

Give people a second chance, but not a third.

Be romantic.

Become the most positive and enthusiastic person you know.

Loosen up. Relax. Except for rare life-and-death matters, nothing is as important as it first seems.

Don’t allow the phone to interrupt important moments. It’s there for your convenience, not the caller’s.

Be a good loser.

Be a good winner.

Think twice before burdening a friend with a secret.

When someone hugs you, let them be the first to let go.

Be modest. A lot was accomplished before you were born.

Keep it simple.

Beware of the person who has nothing to lose.

Don’t burn bridges. You’ll be surprised how many times you have to cross the same river.

Live your life so that your epitaph could read, No Regrets!

Be bold and courageous. When you look back on life, you’ll regret the things you didn’t do more than the one’s you did.

Never waste an opportunity to tell someone you love them.

Remember no one makes it alone. Have a grateful heart and be quick to acknowledge those who helped you.

Take charge of your attitude. Don’t let someone else choose it for you.

Visit friends and relatives when they are in hospital; you need only stay a few minutes.

Begin each day with God and some of your favorite music.

Once in a while, take the scenic route.

Send a lot of Valentine cards. Sign them, ‘Someone who thinks you’re terrific.’

Answer the phone with enthusiasm and energy in your voice.

Keep a note pad and pencil on your bed-side table. Million-dollar ideas sometimes strike at 3 a.m.

Show respect for everyone who works for a living, regardless of how trivial their job.

Send your loved ones flowers. Think of a reason later.

Become someone’s hero.

Marry only for love.

Count your blessings.

Compliment the meal when you’re a guest in someone’s home.

Wave at the children on a school bus.

Remember that 80 per cent of the success in any job is based on your ability to deal with people.

Don’t expect life to be fair.

:)

:)

My friends tell me that I have a tendency to point out problems without offering solutions, but they never tell me what I should do about it.

Traffic Rant

Uff Allah this is sooooooo funny

Don’t Jealous ok?