I’m so happy, I want to cry

I think I’ll survive now, even if we lose. 14 off 16 balls. Only. How I wish we had one extra wicket now. 

http://www.cricinfo.com/pakvnz2009/engine/current/match/426722.html

I am the clear winner here

(I think this is my favourite post)

Scene 1
Abu: How much for this box of grapes?
(Crook) Fruit vendor: 25 Dirhams
Abu: Bah. I’ll give you 3 Dirhams.
(Crook) Fruit vendor: Go away, baba
Abu: How dare you?! We have ruled you for over 200 years! Shove it.

Scene 2
Mummy: How much for this box of grapes?
(Crook) Fruit vendor: 25 Dirhams
Mummy: Definitely not worth that much. I’ll give you 10 Dirhams.
(Crook) Fruit vendor: NO! That doesn’t even cover my cost.
(2 minutes later)
(Crook) Fruit vendor: Ok fine, 10 Dirhams.
Mummy: Definitely not worth that much. I’ll give you 8 Dirhams.
Humaira: Mummy, I thought you said Pathan ki ek zabaan OW!
(Crook) Fruit vendor: NO! That doesn’t even cover my cost.
(2 minutes later)
(Crook) Fruit vendor: Ok fine, 8 Dirhams.
Mummy: Definitely not worth that much. I’ll give you 5 Dirhams.
Humaira: Mummy, I thought you said Pathan ki ek zabaan OW!
(Crook) Fruit vendor: NO! That doesn’t even cover my cost.
(2 minutes later)
(Crook) Fruit vendor: Ok fine, 5 Dirhams.
Mummy: Definitely not worth that much, but I’ll take it.
(Crook) Fruit Vendor: Should I put it in a bag or a box?
Mummy: Actually, now that I think about it, I don’t really like grapes. Its fine, I don’t want it.

Scene 3
Humaira: How much for this box of grapes?
(Miskeen) Fruit vendor: 25 Dirhams
Humaira: I’ll give you 22 Dirhams.
(Miskeen) Fruit vendor: Sigh, that doesn’t even cover my cost. 24 Dirhams?
Humaira: How about we meet halfway? I’ll give you 23 Dirhams.
(Miskeen) Fruit vendor: Sigh, ok, but this is only for you because you have such a kind heart.
Humaira: Yay!

At home:
Humaira: Mummy I got the Grapes for only 23 Dirhams! Ow Ow Ow Ow Ow Ow!

You Know?!

I just remembered a funny story to add to my last post:

The first time I made a joke involving the male genitalia in front of Shahi and Saadia (there were no guys around, I’m not that vahiyaat), Shahi’s mouth dropped in shock. I think her exact response was “You know?!”

I was 22 years old.

Sensibly Crazy

The Atif Aslam songs reminded me of a post I’ve been thinking of writing for a while now. I remember up until a couple of years ago, I was Crazy about Atif Aslam. I went to every one of his concerts here, complete with taking a million pictures (that were so blurry because of the distance, I might as well have taken pictures of myself), screaming throughout, and crying at the sad songs. I downloaded all his new albums and made sure I listened to each song quite a few times before I rejected any. I think I even had a separate category for him on my old blog.

Then, I got over it. I was at a concert one time, and someone told me that he was drunk then, and that is how he usually performed. As crazy as I was about him until then, I thought Ew. I still like his songs, and my favouritest song is still by Atif Aslam, but I don’t feel the same about him anymore. Plus I have other options now, remember?

Whenever I swoon over a film star or a cricketer, I get told that I don’t look like the type who would/could have crushes. At first, I used to get really offended because I took this an insult to my, umm what is the equivalent of Mardaangi? Anyway, I used to think why would it seem weird if I had a crush? I mean, please – I’m a near-normal girl; then why is my sister convinced I’m homosexual?

But I guess it is the truth (not the homosexual part). I don’t have as many crushes as a regular girl, and even the ones I do, are very realistic. I never use words liek Hot or Sexy, because when I use them, I feel like I’m trying to imply much more than just that I think they’re umm likeable. Ok I don’t know how to say this clearly. Its just that I don’t see the point of pursuing something if I feel there might not be a (halal) result at some point in the future. And I don’t just mean this in the above context i.e., a (yeah-right-never-happening) crush.

Everyone in my office think of me when they want to forward an Islamic email; I remember I asked my manager once why she had forwarded an email with a few ahadith only to me. She said she was keeping me up to date.

And maybe its a good thing because others treat me with more respect. I was the only one in class who never got called names, because I didnt like it and I didn’t call anyone names myself. Saherin gets a kick out of singing disgusting songs in front of me, because I keep mumbling words like haram and vahiyaat the whole time.

Now I take this as almost a compliment to the Muslim me. I really do have sensible crushes. Liek why do you think I don’t go as crazy about Shahid Afridi? Well, because he is married. Shahid Kapoor? He’s not much of a Muslim. Plus, have you seen how good looking these guys are? Why waste time (and maybe even accumulate gunah) in the process, when I know nothing is ever happening?

Shoaib Malik as a crush is more realistic. He isn’t exactly great looking – more my level, so I might just have a chance. He prays regularly, as do I. Plus he’s the right age, exactly the right profession, relatively smart, but not enough to make me feel dumb, and his limited English has a Pakistani accent – seriously, we’re meant to be.

 

 

Two new songs - Tu Jaane Na and Tera Hone Laga Hun*, from Ajab Prem Ki Ghazab Kahani, both by Atif Aslam. I prefer Tu Jaane Na, because the other one has parts where he invites listeners to ‘come and feel him’. So vahiyaat. Oh, and you’re welcome.

Epitome of Cheap

Auditing Professor: Our responsibility is only to ensure the Financial statements give a true and fair view of the financial position and performance of the company (I remember!). Fraud Detection is not our babaayyyy.

Reason#1 Why I miss my old job

I don’t feel smart anymore :( I don’t think I’m learning anything new. I do the same thing day after day after day. At my old job, I was responsible for something I enjoyed and I felt ownership of the work. I believed my manager when she said that I’d grow with the company; it feels like a lie here. I don’t see it happening. And honest to God, I’m not saying this because it seems like I had a lot of time to myself there. I used to work pretty hard there too.

Do I even want to grow professionally? Do I care?

Usually when someone asks me what I plan on doing after I finish school next year, I snigger and say I’m definitely not thinking of a Masters any time this lifetime. But the thought of not having something to look forward to scares me. Like now, I know coming next are our midterm exams and then there’s some time off, then the Study Weekend that may or may not happen, and then there are our finals in May/June 2010. What next? I usually don’t mind having 4 months off for the summer, because I know there’s something coming next; I won’t be able to stand being home for so long if there’s no light at the end of the tunnel.

I don’t dread growing older because I’m worried about wrinkles; my only concern is how dumb I feel, even at 23. There’s so much I want to learn and so much I want to do but I never have the time now. Maybe I can start when I finish? Maybe I should think about that Masters? And maybe if this time, I start studying something that interests me, it won’t be such a pain?

Khair even now, I don’t enjoy my subjects, but I manage to keep up in class. This annoying guy teases me all day long for knowing all the answers (he’s lying). And I actually enjoyed Microeconomics this week. Well, apart from the hour I was depressed. We were speaking to our Professor during break, and he told us that he had a Bachelor in Economics, and he had followed it with a Masters from Chicago, and then M. Phil. and a PhD from Quaid-e-Azam University. I felt a rush of pride because he’s a Pakistani, and then I felt so sad because my family will never feel as proud of me. The degree we get now is ok, and someone said it’s definitely of a higher standard than a regular Bachelors degree, but does it matter when I don’t even want to work in either Finance or Accounts?

I checked the time at some point yesterday and I remember wishing for a 100 minutes in an hour instead of 60. I could definitely use the extra time. I would have more time to read and watch and learn and talk and time for myself. There are so many instances when I just want to walk by the beach or sit and watch the moon or the water, but I don’t have the time. Oh, and just so you know, I choose the most inappropriate times to go to the beach, so if I ever stop posting here without warning, rest assured I have been kidnapped.

Another reason I used to feel smart at my old job was because of all the praise I used to get. I’m not saying I need the constant reminders to how amazing I am (I know), but being told I had done well always brightened my day. It was funny though when I first joined, because they praised EVERY single thing I did, and I would think huh?  All day long! It didn’t take much to get used to it though. And it wasn’t even like I was doing something mind boggling – for example I’d pick a pencil off the floor, and the next thing you know, there’d be a post on the company blog detailing how I had picked the pencil like no pencil had been picked before.

Puchki

There’s this guy on one of Mummy’s Indian tv shows who’s called something Indian, but because his wife calls him Puchki, that is how ma refers to him as well. So funny.

I don’t use pet names/nicknames much, and I don’t let others address me with the same. Not many, anyway. I guess its how we’ve seen Abu and Ma. They think using these names isn’t right because it ruins your real name. Although Abu still does have names for us. Like when Aisha was younger, he used to call her Chuchu. How cute is that :) Maybe I’ll start calling you that again Aichu. Wait, I just had a visual where I was pulling your cheeks and calling you Aichuchu, and it looked kind of awkward, what with me having the pull-worthy-cheeks and you being taller than me. I don’t see it working.

There were some girls in my class who tried a few names for me but they never stuck (mainly because of my frown). Farrah used to call me humumu (I know!), Shahi called me Huhu, and now Aliya and Porus call me humzy. Its kind of cute when they say it. And like someone said, sometimes it is nice when only one person calls you a name.

Anyhoo, so why I don’t use them is because I don’t mean them. The only ones I use are for my two younger siblings – Jaani/Hamzo (Hamza) and Rani/Rano (Fathima). These are the only two I feel comfortable with because I mean it with them. Hamza really is my jaan and I love him and Rani to bits. Calling anyone else would feel fake to me. And I might be a communist, I might be a pornstar, but I am not fake*

*Abu will disown me first for being a communist.

I just saved your life, you’re welcome

(I hate mass-forwarded emails)

If you take an aspirin or a baby aspirin once a day, take it at night. (that makes sense)

The reason: aspirin has a 24-hour “half-life”. (~huh~)

Therefore (?), most heart attacks happen in the wee hours of the morning, the aspirin would be strongest in your system. 

2. (when did the numbering start) FYI, aspirin lasts a really long time in your medicine chest. Please read on.

WHY ASPIRIN BY THE BED saves lives. (ridiculous)

It is important to always have ASPIRIN in the home!!! Why have Aspirin by the bedside?

ABOUT HEART ATTACKS: There are other symptoms of a heart attack besides the pain down the left arm. One must also be aware of an intense pain on the chin, as well as nausea and lots of sweating, however these symptoms may also occur less frequently.
NOTE: There may be no pain in the chest during a heart attack. The majority of people (about 60%) who have had a heart attack during their sleep, did not wake up. However, if it occurs, the chest pain may wake you up from your deep sleep. If that happens, IMMEDIATELY DISSOLVE TWO ASPIRINS IN YOUR MOUTH and swallow them with a bit of water. Afterwards, phone a neighbour or a family member who lives very close by and state “HEART ATTACK!!!” (lolll) and that you have taken 2 ASPIRINS!

Take a seat on a chair or sofa and wait for their arrival and DO NOT LIE DOWN!!!

A Cardiologist has stated that, if each person, after receiving this e-mail, sends it to at least 10 people, probably a life could be saved! (right, this is probably what they teach Cardiologists in school. Acting school!)

PASS IT ON this message IT MAY SAVE LIVES !!

Pakistani Pakistani Bhai Bhai/Behen

Rani: Humaira aap blah blah

Humaira: Rani aapki umar kya hai?

Rani: I’ll be 12 in December

Humaira: And I’m 23. That makes me twice your age. You shouldn’t call me Humaira.

Rani: Humaira aap pe suit nahi karta. Like if I call you Humaira baji or Humaira api, it makes you sound so old.

Humaira: Oh ok. Phir choro

Because the age difference between the first three of us was small, we’ve always used each other’s names and not baji, etc. and then the younger ones have followed suit. Not just us in the immediate family, we’ve never called our cousins and others bhai or baji unless they were like >10 years older. In that case, they were boring anyway so we didn’t speak to them much.

I guess we’re v Non-Pakistani like that. All the Pakistani girls I know add a Bhai to the names of their brothers, cousins, classmates, tailors, random men on the street, etc. I know a girl who is married to her cousin, and she continued to call him Bhai for months after they were engaged, because she was so used to it.

Its not that I feel I’m too good to be their sibling – its just so obvious what I’m trying to imply. I remember at one of my jobs, I worked with a really nice guy who had to work with many teenage and not-so-teenage girls, and from the first encounter onwards, he would call everyone Beta (translates to son, but when used liek this, it means kid). It was so funny watching the poor 24 year old call girls much older than him Beta. And why did he do this? So they wouldn’t get the wrong idea when he was too nice to them or joked around.

So if I call someone Bhai, I feel like I’m implying ‘I’m too good for them and they therefore need to stay away’, and how rude is that! I could never do it. I don’t even feel comfortable when others call me Sister, etc. too, because its like they’re trying to make their intentions clear to me. I don’t need that. I feel like such a fake saying it. So many times, I try, but its like my lips just can’t form the word. God knows I could use it though, because honestly, I need to be in the Guinness Book of World Records for the number of car mechanics I’ve misled.

me: but it ll be fine

  like b’s facebook status says

  never loose hope

  tsk im so mean

  I’m definitely going to hell

Sobia: lolllllll

  i swear i bet its for u

  i will never loose hope

  i will get humaira one day

 me: i think so too

 Sobia: lolllllllll

 me: lolll

 Sobia: lollllllllllllllllllllll

 me: so the meanness is a family thing

  you changed u r status again

  you’re meaner than i am

 Sobia: so i can keep reading it

  forever

_

me: worse comes to worst

  theres always b

  and faraz

  and tanveer the recovery guy

  and the guy i sold my civic to

  and the guy i sold my accord to

  and the bengali

  so its not so bad after all

 Sobia: yes

  u choose fiorst

  ill go next

  ok?

  please let me have ur left overs

 me: lolll

 Sobia: loser

 me: loll

  they re na chandaan leftovers

 Sobia: ur probably the dream girl for these mechanics

  u bring them amazing business

 me: even the first choices are kind of like leftovers

 Sobia: and ur pretty

 me: loser

 Sobia: lollllllllllllllllllll

  do teer main ek nishana

  lolllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll

  no need to work once they marry u

 me: fuck u sobia. And its ek teer mein do nishana

 Sobia: lollllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll

  i cant stop laughinggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggg

  omg so funnyyyyyyyyyyyyy

 me: umm ok

  i dont really find it funny

 Sobia: no?